Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
