Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
