Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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