Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
