WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I pour the whiskey from now on
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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