Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
