I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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