Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
