A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize