I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
