I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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