How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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