he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
