I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
My balls are so social today.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
