Kiss
Puke
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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