After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Are these your boobs on my camera?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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