Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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