PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
