The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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