I've blown a few things in my day
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
