When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
