After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Randomize
