I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
