Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
