it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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