Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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