Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
