dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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