I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
