dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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