Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
she pinky promised me she was 18
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
