we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
