You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize