I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
