very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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