Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
