It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
