Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
