I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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