I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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