We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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