The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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