so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
