Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
