I'd wear matching sweaters with you
thus making me awesome and them whores
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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