I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
now i know why i became what i already was.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Randomize
