The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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