if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
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