my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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