yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Betty ford says i'm here all night
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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