I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
