you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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