I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
