His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
