someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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