Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
