Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
