I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
