so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
