Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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