i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
