you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
