it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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