Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
