I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Dicks are not precious.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
