if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
