We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
