i'm signing you up for texting rehab
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
