I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
