I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
