You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
