dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
