I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
