we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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