We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
