After last night, I could never be a politician.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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