Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
