Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
