Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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