I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Panties = found
Randomize
