in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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