I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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