Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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