I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
