I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
