im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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