YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
