I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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