There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
You pole danced in your parka.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
