Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize