I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
