my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
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