what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
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