Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
