Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
