My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I party with great urgency now.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize