I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
