I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
