Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize