And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
