I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I have feelings that need drinking.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
