but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
