So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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