let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
