What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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