God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
