Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
