I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
