At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
