why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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