He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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