do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
