You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
